Psalm 130

For Crying out loud…Can’t you hear her lament.

Her precious daughter died two years ago…It’s still as if it were yesterday she watched her rot away from the drugs that had brought this beauty queen to the streets.  To do the unthinkable for her next fix.

She’s raw this mother. I can’t imagine…and yet I think I can … two precious daughters of my own.

But honestly how can I….I think.. what must the pain be like….Slow…dripping….never ending…

The pain is still her life line too her ….it reminds her every day of what might have been.

It comes to her like a chainsaw….going through her very bones….ZZZZZZzzzzzz….where were you? ZZZZzzz….why didn’t you see it coming?.... ZZZZ zzzzzz. .why didn’t you save her…?

She cries The words Psalm 130

“ Out of the depth have I cried to You, O Lord

Lord, hear my voice; let your ears be attentive to the voice of my supplications.”

She is thankful and she falls to her knees; Because in Him there is forgiveness..

Even if she cannot forgive herself.

“If you, Lord, should keep account of and treat {us according to our} sins, O Lord, who could stand?

But there is forgiveness with You {just what man needs}, that You may be reverently feared and respected.”

Even though she is cut right open…even though  at times it is difficult to breathe.

She says “I choose to trust accepting I will not understand this side of heaven, but it is so hard.”

“I wait for the Lord, I expectantly wait, and in His word do I hope.

I am looking and waiting for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, I say, more than watchmen for the morning.”

“How does a mother not wonder why? Am I TO BE ROBBED OF WHY? WILL MY PAIN NEVER CEASE?

“O Israel, hope in the Lord! For with the Lord there is mercy and loving-kindness, and with Him is plenteous redemption.

And he will redeem Israel from all their iniquities.”

She looks up at me with hope….and whispers “ He will redeem me for my anger. He will forgive me for my doubts.  Only in Him will I find peace”.

She leans in…She leans on…She finds peace.

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