He had demons...

He had demons. We loved him anyway.

She and her family loved him and his son unconditionally. 

He had demons.

That day that is forever emblazoned  in their memories...the same one that scarred the very depth of their heart and soul...they found him. 

Dead. 

At the bottom of his hot tub...

He had demons..

They had all lived with his drinking. They had talked , begged, prayed, for him. His demons ruled.

What was he afraid of in the sober moments of his life. What frightened him that he would not, could not break free. He did not choose to break free.

He was successful, some would say wealthy. When he was sober he was an amazing man. He was kind and generous ....He lived large ...he was large in every corner of your very life...

He had a son...he adored that son. He lived for that son. Wouldn't you think he would turn his life around for that boy...who now is fatherless at three. 

He had demons.

The demons robbed his son. The demons robbed his friends, his loved ones. 

They won. and I ask to what avail...

We shall never know. Never know why the alcohol made him feel invincible, why it gave him a sense security ....a false one...why as he said " it's the only time he felt happy." Maybe numb would better describe it...Why he danced and laughed with his demons. Why he played Russian roulette with his life. Why did he love his demons more then his son....more then those who loved him..

We will ask for years to come...how could we have saved him. How could we have helped him...perhaps an intervention as was discussed. What? what?

And when I, I ask God. He says he never ask me, he never knew me. and I wonder how we all could have changed that...or could we have.

The sad ending to a life that we all wish had taken a different course..

I would love to end this...with a positive message..

But today I am speechless...broken for his family and friends.

I wish Jesus had been in his life. I wish we had taken the time to talk to him about Jesus. 

When I first heard ...I thought we failed him...even though he was not approachable in the arena of God...Still...could we have?

We will never know.

But it makes me very aware...that those opportunities must never go by without at least attempting.....

Only God knows...who would hear ''when we share his word.'

Rest In Peace...I hope you have at last found it in your death...

Kim Davis

You cannot turn on the television, car radio or internet without seeing the face of Kim Davis. The Kentucky County Clerk who refused to issue marriage licenses for same sex marriages, because it is against her faith.

She has been called many Nasty names, made fun of, her past dragged before the public. Four marriages, illegitimate children and whatever else she was or did before she decided to give her life to Jesus. Hypocrite they yell, they laugh at her faith, at her God and yet she stands firm. 

It is very hard for most people to understand her faith, I get that. She has decided that her "authority" is the Bible which as a Christian you know is Gods Word. There are no gray areas for Kim Davis. She does not live as most of Americans whose authority is "morality". She may tell you that "morality' is a fickle code to live by, because it constantly changes. She may remind you that once abortion was considered morally wrong and then Roe vs Wade was passed and it was morally right. That's just one example. You see God's word never changes and it hasn't in over 2000 years. It's survived all the "moral" changes that Society's have gone through, remember Rome. It was about as immoral as you could get and well you know that ending. Christianity survived and grew.

I wish I could say I believe her to be right. I wish I could say this is the woman I wanted to stand for Christianity. But honestly she is not who I would have chosen.

 As I ponder the question of why "Kim". I reflect on some of the men God chose , they would become some of our greatest Apostles...Saul of Tarsus, known as Paul who was a Jewish Zealot and his goal was to have killed as many Christians as possible. Peter a fishermen, not educated, at least Paul was educated. John the Baptist who was the forerunner of eating healthy. He ran about the countryside warning people the Messiah was coming and baptized them in a river.  Then we look at one of the greatest men in the Bible, David a man after God's own heart.  He seduces Bathsheba and then has her husband killed. Moses who killed a man. And so many more.

So who am I to say that Kim Davis is not the person to start this movement of standing firm in her faith , because she believes God's law supersedes that of five judges in black robes.

There are 40,000 pastors who has signed on to "I will not perform marriage to same sex couples". You do know that day is coming when they will start to be jailed. 

They like Kim subscribe to a higher authority .Pastor Saeed still sits in prison in Iran because he will not denounce his faith. 

I wonder is that just around the corner and is that what the majority of Americans want to take place. I don't think so. 

So as I  try to know where I fall in this Kim Davis debacle. I think ;

Could I as a Christian stand firm as Kim, it's so easy to say yes of course, but would I ?I hope I never have to decide. Would you be part of jailing your local Pastor or Priest because he stood for his faith in God. Rest assured that day is coming. In the mean time, Kim is in jail, everyone who thought she should be can now rest. She seems comfortable there, and she is determined to follow God's word ...He is her authority on how she wants to live her life. WHO YOURS?

God's Provisions.

THE COMMAND

She was at a cross roads in her life,

Or was it a dead end?

God had called

Her out

From the Ministries she so loved.

In essence she was stepping away from the

Avenues she needed as a new Christian.

They had been her life raft as she leaned into God’s word.

Now was God really asking her to go alone?

To step outside these walls into the world and for what

She did not know.

She only knew that her faith and trust was in God.

To say she wasn’t fearful would be to lie

To say she believed she could go it alone

Another lie.

As the day drew near for her to step away

She clung to these words;

“Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate 

on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written it . Then you will be prosperous and successful.”  Joshua 1:8

She would be girded with God’s words

She knew if she read them, feasted on them each day they would be her strength.

But here is the second half of this scenario

What would He ask her to do? And what if she couldn’t, or didn’t know how

What if she failed him?

She didn’t want success

She wanted to “matter” for Him

To share

The hidden treasures found in the glory of a relationship with Him.

The unsustainable joy and peace He could give to those who desperately needed Him.

Those who had lived in the darkness so long

where she had lived so long.

But how?

And What?

Truthfully

She knew what; it had been on her heart for so long.

Too long.

But she was afraid to admit it to herself or to her friends

She was fearful to even say it out loud.

She had avoided it, filled her days and hours and years with

“things” that did not fill her.

And worse, she was not obedient to God

Because she knew she had been ignoring the true gift

He had given her.

He was calling her, calling her to use those gifts.

Would she take up the mantle, the challenge,

Would she be obedient,

True Him?

Joshua 1:9

“This is my command-be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

That chapter has not yet been written and only God knows

The answer.

                                                           ‘

Who's gift anyway?

At long last she was in her “glory”.
 She had “hit” her stride so to speak.
 Everyone seemed to hang on her every word
 She had found her gift,
 the gift of Speaking to others God’s word.
 He had called and she had obeyed.
 Give her a microphone and an audience and she was on fire.
 Mesmerizing lectures, it was all was so glorious.
“Me” she thought…Look at me…
Wish my friends and enemies could see me now.
 She began to see herself as the reason people came to listen
Too hear.
She became her own idol.

 Oh yes….she modestly hung her head and accepted the words of praise…

 She was now accomplished in proper humility,

 She would repeat over and over, God is just using me… These are His words.

 But she knew… she didn’t really believe that.

 They were a team….Like Oscar and Hammerstein. She and God in perfect harmony. Playing the perfect Sonata.

 And then one day The music stopped

. It was all taken away. 

 Why? 

 Sickened…What would she do She had become Her own idol. 

She had become a drug to herself Addicted…To herself.. 

She fed on herself Her own opium…. 

 And where was God

 She had traded Him for herself.

 Anger ensued Fear erupted

 What would she do
How would live

 Without the Daily dose of herself….

 She would rather die than return to Her old self, a nobody, an invisible soul. 

 She became angry with God who had gifted her

 Jonah 4
 9 But God said to Jonah, “Do you do well to be angry for the plant?” And he said, “Yes, I do well to be angry, angry enough to die.” 10 And the LORD said, “You pity the plant, for which you did not labor, nor did you make it grow, which came into being in a night and perished in a night.

 She showed more concern for her loss

 Than being thankful for the gift God Had blessed her with. 

 She was angry God had taken away her gift.

 She like Jonah wanted to die. 

She like Jonah never understood .

 Her pity was for herself. 

 And there God left her.

In The Belly of .......

Jonah spent three days in the belly of a fish

She had spent a life time in darkness

In the belly of something

Whatever.. it was most of her life

A lifetime

She doesn't remember when the world became so dark!

Maybe there had never been light! 

A drunken father!

Beat her mother

Then her! 

The welts she hid when changing clothes in the locker room!

Those who laughed at her when she wore boys jeans

Long before front zippers were for girls.

Hand me downs from the women her mother cleaned for!

Those who her said her ankles were fat

How they laughed!

How she died!

Be glad you have a roof over head.

Food in your belly!

That's all I owe you! 

That would be the most loving words she would ever hear!

Looking for love IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES!

Pregnancy at 15 !

Keep the child!

You must pay for your sin!

Eventually...determined

Going to school...working...

Graduate..college...

Meet man... marries!

He drinks..he beats..

Why did she think her life would be different!

Shame..hidden hurt...

Children...love of her life.

She would be a better mother!

And then! The fish who had swallowed her! 

The darkness she had lived in

..regurgitated her!

On the other side in the light!

God was waiting for her!

He had always been waiting for her!

Love exploded.

Light beamed in!

She found her voice.,

She found herself!

She gave.

She laughed

She loved!

Thank you God for the light!

Thank you for the love! 

Thank you for the darkness!

Because the light is more beautiful then

I could ever imagine !

• 
  

She Thinks

SHE THINKS she was ten when her mother’s boyfriend started sexually abusing her.

SHE THINKS she was twelve when he started selling her too his friends.

SHE THINKS she was fourteen when she decided to take to the streets “as she put it “to start keeping the money myself”.

 But that did not work, so to survive she became a slave to those who would now own her.

SHE THINKS she once had the same dreams as you and I.

SHE THINKS maybe her life could have been all butterflies and cupcakes. She aches for a childhood.

SHE KNOWS the night she woke up in that drug infested house, a voice called her out.

SHE KNOWS that as she laid there in her own vomit, reeking from her own body filth, scars from needle marks. Eyes empty of life and hope. That voice said He loved Her.

SHE KNOWS if she knew Him then as she knows Him now….she would have cried 1“O Lord , do not rebuke me in Your wrath….

She knows he loved her enough to save her.

SHE KNOWS it was His voice that gave her the strength to crawl over those comatose bodies. Calling her he was calling her.

6 “I am troubled. I am bowed down greatly: I go mourning all the day long. 7For my loins are full of inflammation. And there is no soundness in my flesh.8 I am feeble and severely broken; I groan because of the turmoil of my heart.

SHE KNOWS a brain that could not focus on anything but the next fix, somehow focused on following that voice, following that voice.

SHE KNOWS she woke up too clean white sheets, clean smells and a fragrance to this day she says was the fragrance “Jesus”.

SHE KNEW she was safe from;

12 Those who seek my life lay snares for me; those who seek my hurt speak of destruction….19 my enemies are vigorous , and they are strong; And those who hate me wrongfully …

SHE KNOWS what repentance truly is….she knows what being saved truly is….

SHE KNOWS to do what you and I don’t always do.

SHE KNOWS to never take GOD for granted.

SHE KNOWS always to pray;

21” DO NOT FORSAKE ME, O LORD; O MY GOD, BE NOT FAR FROM ME! 22 Make hast to help me, O Lord, my salvation.

SHE READS Psalm 38

Psalm 130

For Crying out loud…Can’t you hear her lament.

Her precious daughter died two years ago…It’s still as if it were yesterday she watched her rot away from the drugs that had brought this beauty queen to the streets.  To do the unthinkable for her next fix.

She’s raw this mother. I can’t imagine…and yet I think I can … two precious daughters of my own.

But honestly how can I….I think.. what must the pain be like….Slow…dripping….never ending…

The pain is still her life line too her ….it reminds her every day of what might have been.

It comes to her like a chainsaw….going through her very bones….ZZZZZZzzzzzz….where were you? ZZZZzzz….why didn’t you see it coming?.... ZZZZ zzzzzz. .why didn’t you save her…?

She cries The words Psalm 130

“ Out of the depth have I cried to You, O Lord

Lord, hear my voice; let your ears be attentive to the voice of my supplications.”

She is thankful and she falls to her knees; Because in Him there is forgiveness..

Even if she cannot forgive herself.

“If you, Lord, should keep account of and treat {us according to our} sins, O Lord, who could stand?

But there is forgiveness with You {just what man needs}, that You may be reverently feared and respected.”

Even though she is cut right open…even though  at times it is difficult to breathe.

She says “I choose to trust accepting I will not understand this side of heaven, but it is so hard.”

“I wait for the Lord, I expectantly wait, and in His word do I hope.

I am looking and waiting for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, I say, more than watchmen for the morning.”

“How does a mother not wonder why? Am I TO BE ROBBED OF WHY? WILL MY PAIN NEVER CEASE?

“O Israel, hope in the Lord! For with the Lord there is mercy and loving-kindness, and with Him is plenteous redemption.

And he will redeem Israel from all their iniquities.”

She looks up at me with hope….and whispers “ He will redeem me for my anger. He will forgive me for my doubts.  Only in Him will I find peace”.

She leans in…She leans on…She finds peace.

l

Mary,Martha and e: Scooping out!

Mary,Martha and e: Scooping out!: This morning I decided to finally cut up a squash that had been sitting on my counter for a couple of weeks. It was a yellow squash and it ...

Mary,Martha and e: Scooping out!

Mary,Martha and e: Scooping out!: This morning I decided to finally cut up a squash that had been sitting on my counter for a couple of weeks. It was a yellow squash and it ...

Scooping out!

This morning I decided to finally cut up a squash that had been sitting on my counter for a couple of weeks. It was a yellow squash and it is suppose to have a very long "shelf life". But after my experience with cutting it up and scrapping out the seeds and strings ...I decided that like us... it has an expiration date too.

When I finally reached the insides my aging squash...It was full of seeds and and tough old stings that did not want to be separated from its body. I dug away and scooped and scooped and dug...but nothing seemed to work...short of surgically removing them with scissors and a knife.

That is how our sin can be...becoming so attached only by the grace of God can it be removed.And what is even more frightening is we often don't even notice how deeply embedded sin is....why...because we have let it grow and grow to the point we don't often recognize it as sin. Do we think...it isn't hurting anyone... because..no one knows.

REALLY...REALLY...THINK ABOUT THAT....

Because the one who loves you more then anyone on this earth...The one who promises you eternal life in His Kingdom...

HE KNOWS.

Mess, Messy, Messing!

Mess. Messy. Messing!

These appear to be the words de jour! 

Everyone and every thing is a mess! A friend who never complains said her life is a mess! 

Another says she is living in a messy world...another I am so messed up...another Satan is messing with me! 

In all of this mess, whether...noun..verb...transition verb...I think ..where is God?

God is a God of order, just look around you at His creation! Perfect order.

So doesn't it stand to reason if He is in your life ..

you will have order, which transcends into....wait for it...

PEACE! Everlasting PEACE.

.#PEACE!

We are consumers of things ! We are consumers of "over achieving"! We are consumers of "pleasers...over doers..overly churched..overly parenting..and the beat goes on! 

On our way to perfection...to super mom...we by pass God! We get lost in the forest...tangled in the roots of trees....we only see exhaustion..defeat...we never get to the other side of this mess! 

Ann VosKamp says " life is not an emergency" ...so why do live life as though it is? 

Give it up!

 Let the Mess of your life become the Peace that God gives too you.

 God is the emergency in your life. And when you really believe..really believe..

He will fill your life so full of Joy....there will be no room for messes. 

Good luck my friend!

Step On A Snake!

Hey you,

 Just thinkin ' about stepping on a snake! Not literally silly! 

Just every morning when my feet hit the floor! Stomp on him....step on him....maybe wrestle him to the floor! But do not let him take hold ... that nasty wicked tongue starts spewing lies....jealousy, gossip, trying so hard to turn me/you...YES. YOU...from God! 

Don't be fooled by his seductive slithering ways! OH, he wants to own you!

Fool you?...did he fool Eve? Changing the Garden of Eden into the garden of man’s first sin!

"Now the serpent was craftier than any other beast of the field that The Lord God had made." Genesis 3:1 

Enticing, seductive...tempting! Promising things you dream of... he wants to own your soul ... enslave you to him . 

 Don't be afraid..bare foot..step on Him now! 

What happens if He gets hold of  you..wraps himself around you...squeezes ..squeezes  till life is sucked  right out of you...maybe he bites you...poisonous venom seeping into your blood stream...killing you to yourself..To God! 

Step on him! Don't let him rule your life...suck the happiness right out of you...turn you into a satan with a mean darting tongue. 

Sacrificing the glory of being a child of a God!  

You can conquer him! Step on him in the morning..every morning! Be vigilant because he slithers the earth looking for his latest victim!